The day before he left, we were waiting around in the pharmacy for his prescription to be ready. It was taking a while because he needed an authorization from his insurance company to get an extra pack of pills. I like modern day pharmacies for their odd selection of goods. I wandered off looking for the kids’ section and a stuffed animal to play with. I found a ladybug shaped one, about the size of a basketball. I hugged it and rubbed my nose on it while as he paid. On the way out, I put it back where I had found it and he offered to buy it for me. I refused because stuffed animals in pharmacies are always ridiculously expensive. They probably figure that if you’re buying a stuffed animal in a pharmacy, you’re in the middle of some sort of emergency or last minute shopping deal and you’ll pay just about any amount.
Now I wish I had said yes because I am left with nothing to hold.
Missing someone is sort of like having your hair cut too short. It’s annoying and frustrating and there’s nothing you can do about it. Also, your hair will grow back the same way the person you miss is supposed to come back. But in the meantime, it’s a lot of frustrating moments in front of the mirror looking like something different than what you wanted. Small moments in life when you don’t get what you paid for.
The worst part is, the second I try to think about the day you will both come back, I am slapped in the face by the fact that at that date I will have written the bar exam and I simply can not think about that.
Fuck it, I’m going to dig a whole in a mountain of chocolate and stay there and eat for the next four months.
I’ll save you some, miss you much.