Diagnosis-less

by akishchuk

Today I saw a Vine in which the creator explained that she “vines” because it helps her deal with her depression and severe anxiety. The way she said it, I got it. However, as it played over and over again I noticed she mentioned she has been “diagnosed” with depression and severe anxiety. 

Some days, I feel like that is what I am lacking : a diagnosis. 

I don’t hide that I see a shrink because, as previously established, I don’t think people should. Very few people ask me why, but when they do I explain I have anxiety and insecurities that I have trouble dealing with, which is one way to put it. “It” however, is a almost constant pain in my chest, nightmares and fitful nights for months, the inability to hold back tears in public many times a day and every once in a while the idea and the desire to just give up (yes, I mean suicide). But without a diagnosis, I get the feeling people just label me as emotionally unstable. I am, I’m not saying the opposite, but most days it feels like so much more than that. I have spent the last year in a generalized feeling of discomfort. Imagine it as a day-in, day-out buzzing sound, annoyingly humming that you are not okay. This is more than an over-emotional drama queen situation. Still, without a psychiatric evaluation, I am under the impression people don’t take my situation seriously. Which makes it hard for me to take it seriously and that leads to me neglecting it and beating myself up over having a self-pity party. 

I know only psychiatrists can give the kind of diagnosis I am looking for. I am simply shocked to realize that I may want one, simply to “allowed” to take my issues seriously. 

 

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